Your Teen Needs You – Even if They Don’t Admit it

Ethel (Etty) Gugenheim Photo

Ethel (Etty) Gugenheim

Parenting a teenager can be one of the most rewarding—and challenging—experiences in life. As a therapist, I often meet parents who sit across from me with worry etched on their faces. They love their teens deeply, but they feel shut out, confused, or unsure how to help.

If your teen is struggling with anxiety, depression, school pressures, mood swings, or simply the ups and downs of adolescence, it can feel like you’re walking on shifting ground.

The good news is that connection is possible. The bond between parent and teen is one of the most powerful protective factors a young person can have. Here are some insights and strategies to help parents rebuild connection and strengthen trust.

1. Start With Listening, Not Fixing

One of the most common things I hear from teens is: “My parents don’t listen to me.”

When teens open up—even just a little—our instinct as parents is often to jump in with advice. But struggling teens usually need to feel heard before they can take in guidance.

Listening without judgment or rushing to problem-solve communicates:

“I care about what you’re going through. You don’t have to face it alone.”

Try simple validating phrases like:

  • “Thank you for telling me.”
  • “That sounds really hard.”
  • “I want to understand more.”

These small shifts can transform a defensive silence into genuine connection.

2. Respect Their World

Adolescence is a time of identity-building and independence. What feels trivial to adults—a friend conflict, a missed assignment, a change in style—can feel monumental to a teen.

When parents minimize these experiences, teens often shut down. Instead, step into their shoes.

Validation doesn’t mean agreement—it simply means acknowledging their perspective as real and important to them.

3. Create Space for Connection

Teens rarely open up under interrogation. Instead, they’re more likely to talk during low-pressure moments—while driving, cooking dinner, or walking the dog.

Create casual opportunities to be together without an agenda. A teen who feels safe in silence is far more likely to speak when they’re ready.

4. Manage Your Own Emotions

It’s natural for parents to feel anxious, frustrated, or even rejected when their teen pulls away. But when emotions run high, conversations can spiral quickly.

One of the most powerful tools you have is modeling calm. If needed, take a pause and return to the discussion once you feel grounded.

This doesn’t just improve communication—it teaches your teen that big feelings can be handled safely.

5. Know When to Seek Support

Sometimes, even with your best efforts, connection at home isn’t enough—and that’s okay.

If your teen shows signs of depression, anxiety, self-harm, or other serious struggles, reaching out to a teen therapist can be life-changing.

Therapy offers teens a neutral space to process their emotions while giving parents tools to strengthen communication and resilience as a family.

A Final Point

Just remember – Teens need their parents even when they make it seem like they don’t. Especially when they make it seem like they don’t. But here’s the thing: sometimes what they need from you is to see that you’re okay with them not needing you.



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